After hastily grabbing some semi-clean foam core and various other materials I ran into Professor.
Little did I know, on one side of my new semi-clean foam core was some sort of crummy (and slightly terrifying) advertisement which I was obliviously promoting all the way back to my apartment.
Once there, the adventure continued.
I had found some blue foam which I intended to carve into landscape-y shapes. I couldn't find my real knife so I had to settle for my box cutter.
I informed my roommates of my plight. Mind you, I had to do so very confidently because they usually don't trust me with things like pointy objects or technology.
Clearly, I was convincing enough.
I got to work.
He eventually stopped bleeding and is now on the mend, but I will have a B.A. sadface-shaped scar on my thumb for years to come.