Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Futility of Knowing One's Self

  I've heard time and time again, there is nothing more important than knowing one's self.   Know your strengths and weaknesses.

  But blind spots are something we all have.  I have so many.  It got to the point that around Christmas time I had a personal crisis in which, the person who I thought I was, was completely different than the person that my close friends and family knew me to be.  Anybody who knows what it feels like to be so sure of something for so long just to find out that it's misguided, knows it's a very scary place to find yourself in.  

  What had brought me to this point was the discovery of a blind spot.  It was brought to my attention by one whom I trust and respect a great deal, that I am impatient and intolerant of other people.  It was obvious to everyone but me, and I think the only reason she felt comfortable mentioning it to me at all was because she thought I already knew.  

  In order to fix this huge character flaw I tried to re-figure who, exactly, I was.  This was all in an effort to improve myself, but it ironically lead to a period of useless self centered-ness.  I went through pictures and diaries and things like that to try to pinpoint when my intolerance began. 
  Then I began to realize how stupid that was.  If  I can't trust my self-perception now, what made me think I could trust the perception of myself years ago.  All I have to go on are snippets and my own biased accounts of things that have happened in my life.  
  So, while I was struggling through this, I found relief in these things:

There are things that I'm good at and things that I'm bad at.  I can't be sure which are which, but I do know what I love to do.

There are people that love me, and people that don't.  I can't be sure which are which, but I do know whom I love.

I have good character traits and bad character traits.  I don't know what they are, but I have the ability to forgive everyone else for having equally bad character traits, and loving them anyway. 


Saturday, February 22, 2014

Alan Rickman's A.S.S. Close-up

So I missed posting something cute on Valentine's day.  Boo.  I was in transition, starting a bunch of projects and not being able to finish them before the next one started.  This is why I benefit from school, where they give me deadlines that fuel me through late nights and all-nights.

I've got a big one coming, but for right now lets take a moment to appreciate another amazing British actor.  Alan Rickman's birthday was yesterday!  Here is a throwback image of him in his early years.
You'd have a perpetually grumpy face too if you were read Animal Farm as a child.