Sketch Studio - By Anna Overmoyer

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Futility of Knowing One's Self

  I've heard time and time again, there is nothing more important than knowing one's self.   Know your strengths and weaknesses.





  But blind spots are something we all have.  I have so many.  It got to the point that around Christmas time I had a personal crisis in which, the person who I thought I was, was completely different than the person that my close friends and family knew me to be.  Anybody who knows what it feels like to be so sure of something for so long just to find out that it's misguided, knows it's a very scary place to find yourself in.  






  What had brought me to this point was the discovery of a blind spot.  It was brought to my attention by one whom I trust and respect a great deal, that I am impatient and intolerant of other people.  It was obvious to everyone but me, and I think the only reason she felt comfortable mentioning it to me at all was because she thought I already knew.  






  In order to fix this huge character flaw I tried to re-figure who, exactly, I was.  This was all in an effort to improve myself, but it ironically lead to a period of useless self centered-ness.  I went through pictures and diaries and things like that to try to pinpoint when my intolerance began. 
  Then I began to realize how stupid that was.  If  I can't trust my self-perception now, what made me think I could trust the perception of myself years ago.  All I have to go on are snippets and my own biased accounts of things that have happened in my life.  
  
  So, while I was struggling through this, I found relief in these things:

There are things that I'm good at and things that I'm bad at.  I can't be sure which are which, but I do know what I love to do.

There are people that love me, and people that don't.  I can't be sure which are which, but I do know whom I love.

I have good character traits and bad character traits.  I don't know what they are, but I have the ability to forgive everyone else for having equally bad character traits, and loving them anyway. 






Love,
ANNA


















4 comments:

  1. The ability to be self-aware, self-accountable and self-reflect isn't something everyone has, but everyone is capable of learning it. It's a good trait to have for inner growth and it could save you future therapy sessions if you go another decade of your life in delusion.

    Just take it easy on yourself and be yourself in the end, and not who you think people want you to be. No one is perfect and everyone has flaws. You're young and what you're going through is excellent. It's a part of growing; No one ever stops growing but a lot of full-grown adults stunt their own growths because their egos get in the way.

    Anyway, this piece is really touching. The suggestion of the old man's backstory is really complex and the sense of nostalgia and self-reflection is conveyed so elegantly.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is really beautiful Anna, you truly have a gift. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's good that you're figuring this out now rather than later. Some people don't ever realize that the way you perceive yourself is much different than how people perceive you. Good luck with everything :)
    ~ Jocelyn

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wonderfully done, sis.
    See? You didn't need my eyes after all :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Powerful. Beautiful. I won't tell you not to be too hard on yourself, it's every artist's struggle, and the best we can do is learn to accept that, to grow from it if we can. And it looks like you're experiencing a metamorphosis now. More will come. Be grateful for honest friends.

    ReplyDelete